People always said time
changes people---
I used to comfy with who I am before I got one situation to push me hard to change, not a little, but a great change for my life.
After graduated, you
will be completely shocked by real fact that life after that time was so full
of pressures. You finally understand that your college time were amazing days
to be passed by. But one more way to think of it, it would be more and more
amazing days if I did what I should did and be the one I was supposed to be at
that time. Now, I clearly see who I am this time based on what I did in the
past, and I am not really feel satisfy because -shame to admit- I didn’t do it well.
A Passive Person and Feel ‘OK’ with That
I don’t know,
maybe I used to be a girl who is kind of difficult to say similar thing from
brain to mouth. Perhaps it happened because I am not raised in independent way
to say anything I want. Maybe I also a type of girl who has no effort to
show off capabilities I have. From elementary school up to my collage time, I
wasn’t really interested in joining class’s discussion, I wasn’t freely raised
up my hand to question what I think of or even throw my comment in the class. I
just silly sat in my chair and did enjoy my own question was asked by another students.
STUPID me.
I knew definitely
that I was probably a kind of girl who needed a trigger to make me speak up. I
only interested to verbalize what I thought in presentation class, where I
really needed to explain by my own self the topic in front of class. I only
said things when someone asked me. I need to be forced by people surround me or
by situation to force me speak up in public. It seems like I CAN but I am not
showing that I CAN. For 24 years I was feeling OK with that, but right now, I
am no longer fit that way anymore.
I am Who I am With
I
felt those old amazing days would be more worthy when I am supposed to be a
person I should be, it means I need to be as smart as my age or even more, I
need to be mentally ready to face variety of people around, I need to be more
knowledgeable, I need to be more confident and I need to be more courage to
beat this earth down. I realized that whoever I close with, I am really easy to
get their influence either good or not, I am really easy to “yes” for where all
the conversation goes on, and my mood also decide by the other’s, so I can be a
positive person when people surround me radiate the positivity. I’d love these
people, because when I am in pessimistic mood, they are ready to slap words
over my face, but unfortunately these kind of people don’t promise me all of
their time. That’s why I completely realize it is really not a good character I
have and I need to change it real soon!
Now, I really am the person, who needs
a huge change in me, I need to transform myself to be stronger, confident, and
mature to face all things ahead of me. I’ve to be smarter and stronger,
*fighting*
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