Dear my blog, people always said
time changes people, and I am in that process right now.
I used to comfy with who I am before I got one situation to push me hard to change, not a little, but a great change for my life.
After graduated, you will be
completely shocked by real fact that life after that time was so full of
pressures. You finally understood that your college time was an amazing days to
be passed by. But, one more way to think of it, it would be more and more
amazing days if I did what I should did and be the one I was supposed to be at
that time. Now, I clearly see who I am this time based on what I did in the
past, and I am not really feel satisfy because I didn’t do it well L
A Passive Person and Feel ‘OK’ with That. I don’t know, maybe I used to be a girl who is kind of difficult to say similar thing from brain to mouth. Perhaps it happened because I am not raised in independent way to say anything I want. Maybe I also a type of girl who has no effort to show off capabilities I have. From elementary school up to my collage time, I wasn’t not really interested in join class’s discussion, I wasn’t freely raised up my hand to question what I think of or even give my comment in the class. I just silly sit in my chair and did enjoy my own question was asked by another students. STUPID me.
I knew definitely that I was probably
a kind of girl who needed a trigger to make me speak up. I only interested to
verbalize what I thought in presentation class, where I really needed to explain
by my own self the topic in front of class. I only said things when someone
asked me. I need to be forced by people surround me or by situation to force me
speak up in public. It seems like I CAN but I am not showing that I CAN. For 23
years I was feeling OK with that, but right now, I am no longer fit that way
anymore.
I am Who I am With. I felt those old amazing
days would be more worthy when I am supposed to be a person I should be, it
means I need to be as smart as my age or even more, I need to be mentally ready
to face variety of people around, I need to be more knowledgeable, I need to be
more confident and I need to be more courage to beat this earth down. I
realized that whoever I close with, I am really easy to get their influence
either good or not, I am really easy to “yes” for where all the conversation
goes on, and my mood also decide by the other’s, so I can be a positive person
when people surround me radiate the positivity. I’d love these people, because
when I am in pessimistic mood, they are ready to slap words over my face, but
unfortunately these kind of people don’t promise me all of their time. That’s
why I completely realize it is really not a good character I have and I need to
change it real soon!
Now, I
really am the person, who needs a huge change in me, I need to transform myself
to be stronger, confident, and mature to face all things ahead of me. I’ve to
be smarter and stronger, *fighting*
