: Over
years when you looked back to the past, somehow you’ll find your self is
defined from pain you received:
And
after years, this is the first time Me – Myself bravely want to write it down.
***
I
honestly admit myself that there is a deep hole inside my heart. I am
pretending that it doesn’t exist but the truth is it’s always there. I was forget how this hole came up to affect me,
but I was actually feel bad for keep this hole opened for years and never tried
to fill it with peace and apologize. It’s not the problem I remembered the
most, but the way they reacted. I can’t simply explain how it was going at that
time, but one thing for sure; it was hurt me a lot.
Moved on from circle of time where you can’t
stand for which position is true was hard, but it was harder when you were
judged by people you never know before. Being a joke, got public humiliation on
social media, trust issues and insulted several times weren’t my favorite days
to deal with at that time. Pretending that I was fine actually the time where I
dug the small hole become the big one. Once I fought it, the less happy I was.
By time, I hoped I could get over it, but in fact I was no longer feeling the
same way I hoped I would be. I didn’t know how to over it, but I did face it
with all I can do. Those memories were defined who I am just now; I was full of
anger and resentment for those who treat me wrong, and let all the insincere
drive me crazy and I am sick of myself that way. I don’t wanna be that person.
I feel bad when I get up in the morning and keep finding myself feel unhappy.
It seems like the part of my life I once filled has been nothing since I put so
much effort to change it. It’s best just
to state things plainly at this point. Right?
“what
hurt you today makes you stronger tomorrow”
***
Time
heals every wound.
After
a year, I finally ready to put back all hurtful felling that I’ve been kept for
years no matter what. I wanna shut them down. I wanna forget all those bad
words they said about me, all the mockery, the underestimate eyes and how they
genuinely make fun of me. For sure, It’s not easy, but I want a good life forward, I want to forgive myself so I can
forgive them. The better person I wanna be where I am not measure my happiness
with somebody else. Here I am. The place where they are the people I thank for,
they are the people who lead me to be me this time. So someday when I will
drive back to place I was before, we will be only memories to each other, no
regret and no pain to re-feel. Because I already let it all things go and I
already get myself away from any relation back there. So, I hope I will be free
from anything related to so I can live my life as a new one, as a better
person. In Sha Allah.
