Move On - Start Over

: Over years when you looked back to the past, somehow you’ll find your self is defined from pain you received:

And after years, this is the first time Me – Myself bravely want to write it down.

***

I honestly admit myself that there is a deep hole inside my heart. I am pretending that it doesn’t exist but the truth is it’s always there. I was forget how this hole came up to affect me, but I was actually feel bad for keep this hole opened for years and never tried to fill it with peace and apologize. It’s not the problem I remembered the most, but the way they reacted. I can’t simply explain how it was going at that time, but one thing for sure; it was hurt me a lot.

Moved on from circle of time where you can’t stand for which position is true was hard, but it was harder when you were judged by people you never know before. Being a joke, got public humiliation on social media, trust issues and insulted several times weren’t my favorite days to deal with at that time. Pretending that I was fine actually the time where I dug the small hole become the big one. Once I fought it, the less happy I was. By time, I hoped I could get over it, but in fact I was no longer feeling the same way I hoped I would be. I didn’t know how to over it, but I did face it with all I can do. Those memories were defined who I am just now; I was full of anger and resentment for those who treat me wrong, and let all the insincere drive me crazy and I am sick of myself that way. I don’t wanna be that person. I feel bad when I get up in the morning and keep finding myself feel unhappy. It seems like the part of my life I once filled has been nothing since I put so much effort to change it.  It’s best just to state things plainly at this point. Right?

“what hurt you today makes you stronger tomorrow”

***

Time heals every wound.

After a year, I finally ready to put back all hurtful felling that I’ve been kept for years no matter what. I wanna shut them down. I wanna forget all those bad words they said about me, all the mockery, the underestimate eyes and how they genuinely make fun of me. For sure, It’s not easy, but I want a good life forward, I want to forgive myself so I can forgive them. The better person I wanna be where I am not measure my happiness with somebody else. Here I am. The place where they are the people I thank for, they are the people who lead me to be me this time. So someday when I will drive back to place I was before, we will be only memories to each other, no regret and no pain to re-feel. Because I already let it all things go and I already get myself away from any relation back there. So, I hope I will be free from anything related to so I can live my life as a new one, as a better person. In Sha Allah.